


Comfortable

by universal_idiiot



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Autistic Entrapta (She-Ra), Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Cults, Dreams and Nightmares, F/F, F/M, Hordak (She-Ra) Has Chronic Pain, Hordak (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soft Hordak (She-Ra)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24541390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universal_idiiot/pseuds/universal_idiiot
Summary: In the aftermath of Horde Prime's defeat, Hordak is finally,truly, free. Free from his grueling need to please Prime, free from the buzzing of the hivemind, free from the Horde's suffocating grasp around his existence.He's free now.So why is he still stuck on that First One-forsaken ship?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Hordak (She-Ra), Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 130





	Comfortable

He could feel the familiar hum of his Brothers in the back of his mind, roaring like the oceans of ~~Etheria~~ a distant planet.  
It should have been soothing, a quiet droll of love and forgiveness and light, something he could fall back on when he needed a reminder on what was important or, worse, he forgot how lucky he was to be a part of Horde's glory. It was supposed to comfort him.

He couldn't feel comfortable like this.

A Brother, one that looked identical to himself, held the rebel up by her long violet hair as she squirmed and cried out in indignation and fear, swinging her tiny hands up at his Brother's grip. He knew that if he looked down at his own hand he would find the standard weapon each of his Brothers was equipped with, ready to fire the instant Prime gave the order. Somehow, the thought made him sick.

"Ah, Little Brother, how far have you fallen from our grace," Prime's voice echoed thought the room, "but do not fret. You will once again be brought into the light."

In the back of his mind, in the part that didn't roll like thunder with his Brothers' thoughts, he knew Prime was spouting empty promises. He _knew_ with a sick, disgusting part of himself that he would never be pure again and he knew that this ~~Entrapta~~ ~~princess~~ rebel was the cause of his suffering.

He also knew that, next to that disgusting part of himself, there was a small piece made for something, _someone_ else, and it didn't feel dirty or disgraceful or wrong, it felt like _home_. But home was here with his Brothers, home was the soft voice of Prime and the burning feeling of purification that he deserved over and over again.  
Home shouldn't have been sparks flying around a welding mask, oversized work overalls, and the whir of machinery. Home shouldn't have been violet hair, wild red eyes, and a quirky smile that shone like a thousand stars. Home shouldn't have been the feeling of hair wrapped around his waist holding him up, gloved hands clutching his face with conviction, and a soft voice that told him he was beautiful.

Suddenly, his Brother wasn't the one holding the rebel. He tightened his grip around the rebel's hair and watched when she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, strands of loose hair winding themselves around his arms. He couldn't stand to look too long at her pleading face without feeling a hot dagger twist in his gut.

Prime circled him and the rebel, a smile too cold gracing his immaculate face, all three eyes watching them. Prime stopped behind him and leaned down to whisper into his ear, his Brother's overwhelming presence practically choking him.

"Little Brother, I am giving you the chance to bring yourself back to the light, to feel the love of your Brother's once more. Please, Brother, take it." Prime cooed and lifted the gun, pressing it against the rebel's tear-stained cheek and leaving it there.  
Suddenly, his hand didn't feel like his own, it felt like it was attached to strings that pulled and tugged and made him do unspeakable things, things he didn't want to do. The roaring in the back of his mind grew louder and it shook his thoughts like a hurricane. His Brothers were supposed to comfort him, to console him and tell him right from wrong, not _this!_ Not tear at his mind and claw up his throat and make him hurt more than purification ever could.

And, what was worse, the rebel was speaking again, screaming at him, begging in something like ~~Hordak~~ ~~Hordak~~ ~~Please, Hordak, you know me~~ nonsense that could barely be heard over his Brothers, and her hair was winding up his arms again and trying to ~~hold~~ ~~caress~~ grab his face, and she held something so familiar in her eyes that he could just barely grasp but felt like fire and it was just _too much!_

~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~

A shot went off.

And Hordak screamed

Hordak bolted up, claws tearing through the plush blanket he had wrapped around him. He searched his chest and hands for the blood he knew he should have been soaked with and found none. He looked to his side and found Entrapta still fast asleep, practically swaddled in her bundles of hair. Hordak, quietly and gently, leaned to check her pulse, hoping-- _begging_ \-- to whatever good was left in the universe that she was still with him.  
For what felt like an eternity, he held his breath.  
Then he let out a sigh of relief when he could still feel the steady beat of her heart and hear the faint whistles of her breath.

Hordak let his hand linger near her neck, the softness of her skin contrasting against the sharpness of his own. He could feel her Etherian warmth against his hand, something so different compared to the biting cold he had grown accustomed to with Horde Prime and his Brothers.

Hordak grimaced at the thought and retracted his hand, worried his coldness would seep the energy he oh-so adored from the princess. Carefully, he pulled himself out of bed, holding back a groan as his bones ached with a familiar pain. He guessed that, without his Horde issued armor, he would have to get used to the pain that had racked him for years prior, at least until Entrapta helped him make something new. Hordak's ears flicked at the thought of Entrapta and he made haste to leave their room in Brightmoon palace, desperate to find anywhere that wasn't so... Fluffy.

The palace was quiet, severely contrasting the celebratory air and rambunctious that had filled the halls only hours before. Hordak appreciated the quietness far more than the party that Queen Glimmer and Adora had begged Entrapta and him to attend. The noise, though different, had reminded him too much of how his Brothers would have chattered in his mind, but the quiet gave him a chance to have a clear head and think for himself, something he never knew he needed until he was back in Prime's clutches. What a fool he had been, to come crawling back to Prime begging for forgiveness and unity once more. He would have killed to be back in his Brother's good graces-- _had_ killed, in fact-- and yet now... He wanted to say he felt happy that Prime was dead but...

He stopped at a large window overlooking Brightmoon's gardens, entranced at how the moonlight filtered through the large treetops and into the many, many beds of flowers ranging from soft bluebells to blooming mayflowers. It reminded him, hilariously, of the grand windows that had overlooked the Fright Zone, ones he had relished to peer out of when he was blessed with privacy outside of his lab. His brow furrowed, and he wondered why he had never attempted to show Entrapta around the more palatable parts of the Fright Zone.  
_'As if I could ever have pulled her away from that lab for more than two minutes,'_ he thought to himself with a fond smile.  
As Hordak looked out at the garden, he noticed in his reflection how his skin had started to darken again, and the roots of his hair were turning a familiar shade of dark blue. He lifted his hand and dragged a claw through his hair, ruining its uniform smoothness that he and his Brothers had once taken pride in. Now, flopped to the side of his face weakly, and one could see the blue more clearly against the part of his hair. He had assumed that, with his purification, he would have lost his defective traits forever, but Hordak guessed that even Prime's "perfection" couldn't fix him. Just another lie he had been told in the hopes that he would remain docile for Prime. Hordak couldn't say that it hadn't worked.

Suddenly, Hordak's ears flicked upwards when he heard faint footsteps heading toward him. He instinctually stiffened, placing his hands behind his back and choked back his smile.

"Relax, it's just me." A familiar voice said with an obnoxious amount of hubris.

"Catra."

"Hey, Hordak," Catra strolled next to him, leaning her back against the window. She sighed in relief when the cool glass hit her skin and Hordak took the chance to get a look at his ex-Force Captain since being on Prime's ship.  
She looked awful.  
On the surface, she looked as over-confident and indifferent as always, but Hordak saw how her face was too tight, how sweat dripped from her brow, and how tight her claws were digging into her crossed arms. She looked as if she wanted to disappear into her fur. Curiously, though, her large beast--Meelog-- was nowhere to be seen.

"So why are you up? Out for a midnight snack?" Catra asked,

"You'd be wise to talk to me with a little more respect, Catra." Hordak growled out, and Catra only hacked out a cruel laugh, but it lacked its signature bite,

"Oh, please, we both know that _neither_ of us have any sort of power anymore, so you can drop the whole 'Lord Hordak' schpeel," she said, "so just talk to me... talk to me like an old friend."

If Hordak was surprised at what she said, he didn't show it. He kept his eyes on the garden and let out a resigned sigh.

"Entrapta needs her sleep. I was afraid I would keep her awake." he hissed out his half-truth, and he could feel Catra's gaze on him.

She seemed to understand what he meant, and she looked down at her arms. "Yeah, same. I mean, with Adora, no-not with Entrapta."

Hordak hummed in acknowledgment and then they were wrapped in silence. It was only when Catra turned to the window did she speak up again.

"Hey, Hordak, what was it... what was it like being controlled by Prime?" She asked, and Hordak felt cold.

"You were controlled once, you know what it was like." he replied, jaw tight as he tried not to snap at her as he would have-- and probably should have-- done.

Catra, however, had no such qualms when she spat "Yeah, but you know it's different. I was able to break out of it sometimes and I knew what was happening around me. You're _one of them,_ you were _made_ to be a... a... a puppet for him."

Though he knew it was true in a sense, Hordak still hurt to be reminded of what he was made for. He whipped around with a roar and snatched up Catra's arm, his claws digging dangerously into her fur. He pulled her up so they were face to face,

"Don't you _ever_ regard me in that way! I may no longer be your superior in rank, and we may not be back in the Fright Zone, but I am still much older and much stronger than _you._ " he sneered and felt the glorious rush of power that came from the fear in another's eyes.  
It was beautiful, if only for a moment.  
And then he was back on Prime's ship, holding a gun to Entrapta's face and seeing the tears building at the corner of her eyes.

Hordak dropped Catra as if she burned him, holding his hand to his chest with a fearful grimace on his face. Catra looked up at him, first afraid, then curious, and then understanding.

"You're dreaming about him too." she stated, no room for question. Hordak only answered with a nod.

"I'm guessing you haven't told Entrapta?" she asked,

"No, and I'm under the assumption Adora isn't aware of your dreams either." and Catra's silence was answer enough.

Hordak looked down at the gardens again as Catra collected herself again, leaning against the wall nonchalantly once more, but her eyes were wide and afraid. Hordak knew that he should probably say something, but couldn't place the words. His Brother's never needed condolences, content with the knowledge that their fears were insignificant in the face of true light. It was different for Etherians, whose emotions were so wild and uncontrolled that they needed almost constant comfort to keep them from bubbling over. Catra had tried to show no face when interacting with Hordak in the past, but the only person who came close to being like his Brothers was Shadow Weaver, and now she was gone. And here was Catra, still trying to pretend she was something she wasn't. It was exhausting.

"You never answered my question," Catra said.

"What?"

"What was it like being Prime?"

Hordak hummed in thought and looked to his hands, imagining they were still painted in blood.

"Being Prime removes anything individualistic about you. You are pushed to the back of your own mind and it's like you never existed at all. It's just Prime. My Brothers and I used to believe that being one with Prime was the greatest privilege one could be given-- we would have given _anything_ to be one with him-- but now I see that we were," he stopped, remembering what Catra had said, "just puppets."

"But why? Why did you want that?" Catra pushed.

"Why did you?" Hordak shot back. "It made us feel pure, it made us feel complete. We finally had a semblance of... of love, if that's what you would call it. It made us forget that we were nothing and made us feel as if we were everything. You understood that, too, when you were purified." Catra turned away with a distant look in her eyes.

Hordak continued. "When you are one in a million, you would give anything to feel loved. Even when there is nothing to give."

"Yeah, but you had everything. You had an army, you had an empire, you nearly had an entire _planet_ at your disposal," she paused, "you had Entrapta. Why would you have ever wanted to go back?"

Hordak looked up for a minute, shocked at the boldness of her question, and then furrowed his brow.

"I... I don't know." 

Catra looked shocked for only a second and then relaxed. "Me neither."

They stayed like that for a while more, talking freely in a surreal way. Hordak never would have believed that he would be 'chatting' with a subordinate months ago, but here he was. Their moment only ended when Adora came around the corner and called for Catra with a sickeningly sweet concern Hordak could only hope to mimic. Catra left with a sincere smile and a wave to Hordak, and he was left alone again.

He didn't know how much time had passed before he decided to head back to his room. When he opened the door, he found Entrapta-- wide awake-- sitting on the floor and tinkering on a computer of some sort with her welding mask down. Hordak felt his face soften into a fond smile, closing the door quietly. He walked behind her and bent over to see exactly what she was working on. This seemed to be enough to snap Entrapta out of her trance long enough to notice his presence.

"Oh, Hordak," Entrapta exclaimed, her hair pushing her mask out of her face, "you're back! You're just in time to help me test my new tracking device. I saw you had left and I wanted to go find you and I remembered this beta version of a tracker I had been working on during the war and wanted to finish it. Of course, I probably could have tested it better when you were still out, but it isn't finished yet, so we'll just have to wait for the morning to try it out. I was thinking--"

Hordak sat behind her and looked over her shoulder as she continued to work, listening as she rambled on about her new invention and "what it could mean for the future of science", relishing in the sound of her voice and the way her waist felt with his arms wrapped around her. Her hair, subconsciously or otherwise, wrapped around his arms and, instead of the crippling fear he assumed would have taken hold of him, all he felt was comfort.


End file.
